Mr Monkey & the MF's

so, freedomheads, a little quiet out there after the last post. does that mean the poetry didn't go over all that well? is it played out like kwame already? perhaps i'll leave it for a while, and bring it back when i feel it appropriate.

instead, let's mix it up and jump into another teacher post!?
yes, i know, lots of those going around as well...and i'm sorry. it's just hard to pass up such good content. i feel like i'm becoming the 'Tucker Max' of the teaching World - the more i teach, the more audacious the stories i have to share. and it goes a little something like this:

Tuesday morning, god awful early.
i have signed up, by my own free will, to start teaching a new class in a place called Aberdeen (southern part of HK Island). the classes start at 8:20am, which requires me to be out of the house by 7:30am.
i know, boohoo....
anyway, as is the norm for the first lesson of a new class, i meet up with a teaching assistant who then shows me the way to the school. for this specific class, i was to meet the lovely Trina at the bus stop (Trina actually turns out to be a guy - go figure). arriving at the school, i'm informed it's an all-boys school, which anyone outside of the teaching community would perhaps shrug at; me, i know that this means they are going to be a handful without some female injection of maturity. great. also, i have been informed that the students' English is actually quite poor, and to take it very slowly with lots of games...wheee!

first and foremost, i begin with a quick introduction.
"Hello, class. My name is Mr. Morgan", i proclaim, as i scribble the aforementioned on the chalkboard.
oh yeah, remember what I said about the English level in the room?
the name seems to be giving them trouble, for they don't quite nail it off the bat. instead, they decide that what they read doesn't say 'Morgan', but rather 'Monkey'.
i'm now Mr. Monkey.
the kids laugh.
off to a blazing start.

i start doing my thing, with the purpose of the lesson focusing on listening to me tell a story as the kids fill-in the missing words on their papers. i would say about 50% of the 20 kids are actually listening. the other 50% are either sleeping, talking, or talking in their sleep. i start into my patented walk-the-room methodology, and it seems to help drag that other 50% into the lesson temporarily. that is until i spot a couple of kids giggling at the front. one kid is especially proud of something he's done on his paper. i walk over, examine the paper, and it's exactly what you'd expect. the kid (14 or 15 yr old) has provided some anatomical additions to the drawing of a boy on the page....
do i need to spell it out?
ugh..., he's drawn-in ol' John Thomas and his 2 sons. the bits and bites. a trailer and its mudflaps.
a penis. he's drawn a penis.
as a teacher, the normal reaction i suspect should be -

"Timmy, stop drawing penises in class."

that said, i can barely communicate with these guys as it is, so i decide to let it slide and simply keep going with the lesson. not 5 mins go by, and this same kid is at it again. only this time, he trades his phallic art for a fairly severe English curse word.
he blurts out, seemingly unprovoked, "motherf'er".
for real.
a few kids, who obviously understand this but not a word i'm saying, rise up with the classic "ooooh". to be honest, i wasn't sure if he indeed said what i thought he said, but from the reaction, i assume the worst.
"now Timmy, we don't use those sorts of words in English....at least, not in the classroom."
i can't lie to the kid entirely though, as it does get used every now and then in western culture.....but not in this blog, of course.
sufficed to say, i was extremely happy to get out of the school that day before full-on anarchy in the HK broke out.

this new Tuesday class only helps to solidify my Wed crew as the best kids EVER...
it's almost like they want me to adopt them. every session, i continue to receive the same requests for Facebook adds, mobile phone digits, hell, even one kid wants to come to Bali with us! gotta draw the teacher/student relationship somewhere though, right?
i was also asked to help give one of the students a new English name. his current English name just so happens to be 'Dick'. an odd choice, perhaps, as I don't think it has the same relationship to 'Richard' here as it does in the west.
ok, no problem...i can take this challenge on. i throw out a few classics, like 'John' or 'Mike', and it's not really his thing. he wants something unique.
hmm..ok, how about 'Morgan II' or 'Tupac'?
not biting.
apparently i now have homework to anoint this kid with the most kick-ass name in history.

Real-time updates -
I'm currently sitting by the pool typing this up while basking in 29 degree heat.
however, i'm also dealing with pure chaos. absolute, unconditional kid crazy.
crying, fighting, running, splashing, and even more crying madness.
to this, i say, how dare they interrupt me while i write.

also, and certainly not intending to rub it in/out, but i started today off with a round of golf with my boys Anabelle, Monsieur Laurent, and JC from the A.
unlike most typical rounds, this one starts with a ferry ride from HK Island to a quaint little place called Discovery Bay, where residents trade cars for golf carts to get around the entire island.

how'd i shoot?
i birdied #2 out of the sand on the front, and i ate a tuna sandwich on the back...which should tell you how well i played.
super fun though, and look forward to the next episode a month from now.

that's it...
have a great weekend, everyone, and as a sneak preview for next week, we'll be featuring:
*another model casting
*a trip to the racetrack
*the lead-up to Bali
*and auditions for a Freedom 32 ghostblogger appearance....
interested applicants are urged to send a writing sample and their best drawing of yours truly.
the bar has been set below. like looking in a mirror....