my gf cried over Celebrity Apprentice....

hold on....
way a second...
are you fuckn kidding me?

no friends, this isn't a joke.
let me take you back to the scene of the whine....
it was a cold, wet Saturday evening.
take out sushi and PVR as foreplay to a boozy night.
our main feature for your fave couple - The Donald Trump Show (aka Celeb Apprentice).....

now, quick footnote - we were watching a show that had aired 2 weeks ago.
as such, the outcome of the show was known with the underlying issue for the dismissal quite apparent as well.

nevermind.

we watched the show.
Dennis 'cranberry vodka' (sorry hon) Rodman was the cause for niagara falls.
The former bad man of the NBA, had finally done enough personal damage to be relieved of his apprenticeship duties, by literally drinking himself into a pink slip (and no, I don't mean his queen gear)...

the final scenes of the 'show' were filled with tough love, reality style, as Dennis' celeb pals outted his boozy behaviour to the rest of the cast....

maybe i'm being too harsh, but I just can't get upset for something as faux dramatic as a celeb party animal going into rehab.
that's just the way it is.
it's called the Lohan factor - once bitten, twice high.

does that make me a bad person?
perhaps.
does that make my gf a true saint?
of course ;)
it also may mean that reality TV is the devil.

(this may also also mean that i'll be on the couch tonight).

there you have it kids.... another great reason for less tube and more boob.
feel me.

Team Morgan

Starring in: Jammin' in Jamaica

It started with separate flights from the Great White North....
It ended with some dumb-ass t-shirts as parting gifts...
As for that part in the middle.....?
Well.., it was a trip for the ages.

Let's take us back to where this thing began.....
The fab-3 from Toronto got the vacation started, with an earlier and shorter flight down the coast.
Shortly behind them were the duo out of Vancouver; rearing to go, albeit facing the 7-hour flight on one of Air Canada's old school fleet.

A nice treat awaited us all on landing, an arrival lounge the 'Sandals-way', serving us our first (and certainly not last) frosty Red Stripes.
Jubilation and relaxation soon would turn to trepidation and perspiration unfortunately, as our final destination was a bumpy and bouncy 90 minutes away.
That's the bad news...
Fortunately, the good news and good times began immediately once we could see the sign from the front window of the fun bus -

Sandals Whitehouse - Welcome to Paradise....

I think it's safe to say that we were all very eager to sprint through the front doors as soon as we could.
From there, the theme and word of the week would be soon uttered....that of course being 'YES!'.
'A welcome cocktail, guys?' Yes.
'Another appetizer, sir?' Yes.
'2 scoops, ma'am?' Hell YES.

Day (Evening) 1 - Synchronize your clocks
Due to the differing travel schedules, and equally long days, the Team split up for the inaugural meal. One thing was certain though...., the Team was here...together.
And that's all that really would matter this night and for the rest of the week.

Day 2 - Which way to the beach....?
There's nothing quite like that first day of a vacation....
Everyone's all bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and whiter than Casper.
Another theme would soon emerge that would last all week -
'First one up gets the Team some chairs'.
Unfortunately, the Vancouver contingent were never able to participate in this goodwill activity.
Tennis was the excuse given....: -5 spirit points.

The first day is no doubt always the most exciting:

Bars a plenty, restaurants of all sorts.
'More anything? More everything!'.

The rational outlook should be that we all have a full week ahead, no need to overindulge....
Of course, rational and Jamaica don't have any place hanging out with one another.
The result - everyone at the table gets an appetizer for lunch.
Everyone also needs a drink in hand at all times.
Let the good times roll, people.....

The night concluded with a little Italian, some wine, and the team uniforms were distributed..., the VanCity crew trying to salvage some of those spirit points lost earlier in the day.

Day 3 - Grey sky's gonna clear up?
If there was ever anything negative to say about the vacation, it would have to be those damn puffy white things called clouds.
Day 3 was certainly the only day where those things got in the way.
A fairly overcast 9-5 session be had..., but don't forget kids - UV is still gonna getcha....
A few 'lobstered' bits and pieces....: -10 Banana Boat points.

Day 4 - Put on a happy face....
Was there ever any doubt?
This is Jamaica, mon; the sun is always shining....and it came back for us all in full force.

Day 5 - See Day 4
add-in 1 prize-winning Team member..., and just as quickly, subtract 2 shitty prizes.
ho-hum, I suppose this guy decided that his real prize would be taken out on the 11 o'clock Chocolate-fest....
(note to Pardy - there's no real winner for those who consume 8 bonbons in 60 seconds flat).

Day 6 - See Day 4
add-in a quick jaunt out to the deeper blue stuff for some snorkeling.

Day 7 - See Fun... Sea Fun
Nark with some waterskiing....judges score it an 8 out of 10.
As well, the Team faced off with some hobie cat'n, and are still looking for the wind.
One final night at ye ol' Martini bar, and we once again go to bed with a smile on.

Day 8 - Leaving on a jet plane
Sadly, our run on Jamaica had to come to an end at some point.
The Team says a final goodbye, stuff as much 'all-inclusive' they can into their carry-on, and hop back on the fun bus.
-------------

This was truly an amazing trip, and something that we've all wanted for so many reasons.....we will all certainly never forget it.
Big thanks again go out to Big D and the Captain....
Until we meet again in the sequel, 'Smilin' in St. Lucia'.....
Team Morgan 1, Everyone else 0.

:)
p.s. just for you, Nark - BRRAH

when you drink and blog....

..things happen...
case in point - a blog about a guy named Coolio.
it seemed like a good idea at the time - a washed up rapper getting busted for crack possession...
who wouldn't want to jump all over that?

well, i was wrong...
there's nothing funny about a guy with a drug problem.
nothing at all.

i must say though that i am quite happy to see that he's still rockin the spider fro...
that's sure to stay legit as a spider comb-over as well...

stay out of trouble young man, and we'll see you on Dancing with the Stars cycle 9 very soon!!

coolio did some of that shit....

indeed he did
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20263764,00.html

crack cocaine eh...
nothing like the hard stuff for one of the greatest one hit wonder rappers of all time...
'an airport ain't shit..., i can take whatever i want on the big airbus....'
'gotta have my crack, wherever i travel...'
the ol' 'crackberry' seems a bit weak at this very moment, doesn't it....

i feel this is totally warranted though; Coolio has had an easy past decade, after releasing such a shitty hit as 'Gangstas Paradise'...
any mention of a name like 'Coolio' as well should send shivers down your back, as the ridiculousness of the mid 90's all comes back with a vengeance...

fuck Coolio and fuck your crack.
i really hate to trip, but I gotta loke...
catch you on the flipside, you cool_mother_fucker_io....

peace

We Are Bathurst

the script pretty much writes itself -

A remarkable rebound

Intense emotions ran close to the surface as the Bathurst High School Phantoms, coming back from a horrific van crash last year that devastated the team and the town, claimed the New Brunswick championships Saturday.....
The team won 26 straight times leading up to Saturday's match against the Campobello Vikings....
Their opponents refused to roll over, but the Phantoms ran away victorious by a final score of 82-50.

Truly amazing for any team to overcome such a devastating obstacle of losing half of their players....
Whether it was simply 'destiny', or whether the school just had a lot of good basketball players who previously couldn't be bothered to play hoops, it's a great story....one that I'm sure CBC is coveting to enrich their already stellar summer lineup, with the likes of Being Erica or Heartland.
(note to CBC - get your asses rolling on this movie pronto...)

PM Harper, no doubt meaning well, comes off a little stiff, somewhat like a handshake for a 6yr old on his first day of class.
...the teenagers had “shown remarkable strength and determination in the face of adversity” and that the victory had “given all Canadians a reason to cheer.”

sounds a little Rocky-esque, but it'll work Steve.

nice rack...

kids, don't try this at home...
animal mascots..., pretty much par for the course isn't it...,you goofy bastards.
enjoy!

sweet tooth bites back

Girl starves to death after dentist pulls all her teeth


LONDON - Eight-year-old Sophie Waller cracked a baby tooth eating candy, and set off the chain of events that led to her death.
Sophie refused to open her mouth for a dentist so doctors at her local hospital took out the tooth in an operation, one of the doctors told a coroner's inquest. They removed all seven of her other baby teeth at the same time to avoid the need for future operations, the doctor said....
...After the surgery Sophie refused to eat or even open her mouth for her parents, the couple told the inquest. But she was sent home anyway, and starved to death three weeks after the operation.
...The parents said the hospital mishandled Sophie's follow-up care...


come on...
are you kidding me...?
2 things wrong with this.

#1 - the kid
apparently missy did not like opening her mouth except for eating jawbreakers.
so what happens - she chips a tooth, and decides that that is it - no more talking, no more candy. case/mouth closed.
apparently they had to put her to sleep to open up that trap and take out the broken tooth. Now, I must admit it's a bit odd they decided to extract every other tooth from her mouth....but i assume they figured that it would save them from seeing her another 6 times. No word on the quid she would have pulled down from the tooth fairy.

#2 - the parents
i'm not a parent, but i would imagine that most families probably spend meal time together. a child who refuses to open their mouth, probably will not get much of the 4 food groups through his or her nose.
maybe some thin veggies....
apparently the kid would 'suck on a watermelon'..., because of course the watermelon is one of the heartier fruits.
either the parents should have forced the little angel's mouth open, or take her back to the hospital for an IV.

time for me to eat lunch, perhaps it's best i get something that melts in my mouth, karma is a biyatch....